Israel will pull out of Gaza starting Monday and out of the West Bank as well by September 4th. The Palestinians celebrate this Israeli pull back and abandonment of settlements claiming victory. All the while both the PLO and Hamas and whoever else can fire a gun or throw a rock, is vying for the power in these areas. It is still unclear to the media what will become of these new Palestinian controlled areas. Thankfully for you I think I might have some insight. Or maybe just some Jim bullshit?

I am going to let you in on a little secret. Come closer to the screen so you can hear me. This pullout is crap and it will not last! If you think Israel is going to let this disorganized bunch of idiots hang around and blow shit up, you are eating retard sandwiches again. I think this is nothing more than Israel showing the world how much they want to have peace, and how the Palestinians just want their country back. It is perfect, yes? Think about it? Hand over part of your country to a bunch of feuding Palestinian factions. Let them rip each other to hell. Then the Israelis can come back in, to “secure their country”, and take more land!

I am optimistic that Hamas will be able to restore peace, or some semblance of peace. Lets face it the PLO can’t tie their own shoes with out paying someone off to help them and then killing three or four of their own kind, after words by accident.

Like everyone else on this planet, except for those brown people, I want peace. I just wish there were an easier way than killing everyone you see and then dividing up the remaining land. How much longer can this whole “Middle East thing” go on you ask? Well it has been going on for about 6000 years so far, I am sure it’s almost over.

The middle East (run we are on fire!)

Today is May 5, Cinco De Mayo. It is the St Patrick’s Day of the Mexican people in America. Which means this is the day you eat really good food, un like St Pat’s day, and drink until you can not stand up.

I grew up in the southwest and this day was always a big celebration. Parties, food, drink and live girls have been the norm. What has always struck me as odd is that most people have no idea what the hell we are celebrating. Which of course is fine, we don’t really need a reason to get shit faced and fall down drunk. It just better when you can tell your fellow employees it was a holiday you had to drink.

The day in Mexico is more of a religious holiday than a drunken one. This shows just how out of wack Mexicans priorities really are. The history behind the day is as boring as all history. It seems the Mexicans had gotten themselves into a little debt. I know big surprise! They owed money to everyone and my brother. I still think they owe Phill something, what do you think Phil? The Mexican government had made a deal with the British and the Spanish. Who then recalled their invasion forces. But the French had bigger plans, their leader at the time was very short and wanted to prove himself. On May 5th the French landed a force to conquer Mexico. Really who cares about how much money is owed when you can have the whole country. Our friend Napoleon III had some grand idea of appointing a family member to over see Mexico. I think we can all see the error of his ways, you are not supposed to work with family. Things always get fucked up. This time out the French did kick some Mexican ass, but maybe Napoleon should have learned the same lesson America learned years earlier. You can not march onto land that is already inhabited and expect to rule. Wait, maybe we didn’t learn that lesson, where are all the Indians?

So to clarify, May 5th not Mexican independence from Spain, that was 1809 in September. It was the day the Mexicans got wupped by the French only some years later to get bailed out by the Americans.

Cinco De Mayo

Over the last couple of weeks the Chinese and the Japanese have been yelling at each other over the Great War. Yes, people are still pissed about something that happened 50 some years ago. It’s like my parents not being able to forgive me for something that happen 20 years ago. Get over it; I just burned up the car and killed the dog?

Now, I know about some of the shit the Japanese’s (Jap’s as my grandfather call’s them) did to the Chinese or Chinks (as one of my close friends calls them). Lets face it though, the Jap’s had started invading islands and countries. They needed natural resources. They hate the Chinese, so the end result is, invade the country take what you want and kill the rest? WAR!

Well it seems the Jap’s never apologized for waging war on the Chinese. They had mixed words and danced around the issue but had never said, “Sorry”.

Last week some young Chinese ramble raisers were outside the Jap Embassy in Shanghai throwing rocks. It seems not only did they not apologize but some new Jap history books tell a different story about the war. Seems the Jap books say the occupation and mass killing, was not as bad as it seemed. Guess that kind of thing can really piss someone off?

Today, in a grand gesture, the Jap’s will apologize to the Chinese. I think it will go something like this, “hey sorry about all the killing 50 years ago, it won’t happen again (wink) as long as you have a million man army protecting your red ass.” Given the chance, I think those Jap’s are still a little angry with the whole “we lost” the war idea. The Japanese are an honorable people who have been completely bitched out by the western world. I think the need some redemption.

Sure they say they are sorry. Sure they mean it. Sure given the chance they would never mount a “Sony sponsored” army and kick those Chink’s into the next century? Let us not forget they have the nuke and know how to use it. The only reason they rolled over is to keep the flow of cheep Chinese labor and hookers coming their way. Be warned your days are numbered, pinko’s!

Sorry about that…
Rock the Shanghai

Well it looks as though I have been passed over again for yet another job. This is one I really wanted. I was so excited at the chance at leading millions of my catholic brethren to a new era. I guess when it comes down to picking a nice Jewish boy like me or a crazy German, well?

Predictions:

No Women
No Abortions
No Condoms
No Fun
No Vatican III (Bring the Pain for Change) that would be my name for it.
No Marriage
More little boys go home crying.

Who knows though maybe this ex-anti aircraft gunner can make the church better and more exciting? Bring the change that no one says he will. Should be an exciting time for you crazy Catholics!

NYTimes
BBCNews

I just wanted to lend my two cents about the passing of the Pope. I was told I need to be reverent if I was even hoping on a shot at getting into heaven.

I saw PJP II in Phoenix, AZ in the late 80’s; this was when I was still participating in religion on a weekly basis. I would like to say, I was wowed by the whole ordeal. To tell you the truth the only thing I remember is being hot and unable to see all but a miniature size Pope from a far. I am not saying it did not have some kind of long lasting effect on me; just maybe I am not aware of it right at this moment. I will tell you; I have said many times to people, “hey, have you seen the Pope?” Their response, “No”. With a big smile and some gravitas “well, I have”.

When a Pope dies the College of Cardinals assemble to elect a new Pope. There is a whole method to their madness. This method has been in place since the start of Christianity and can take quite a bit of time. Mostly just bickering as the Italians let the college know they will not be embarrassed like last time. They will have their way Pope’s should only be Italian!

Now for you other Christians out there, if you can really be called Christians, especially you Evangelicals, the Catholics are Christians. Catholics were the first Christians. I know it hard to believe that Peter, one of Christ’s Apostles, was the first Pope but it’s true. Without the Apostles spreading the word and setting up the Catholic Church we would all be Jews. I guess if you really think about it we might all still be Jews? It might be hard to believe but Catholics = Christians is still a mystery to many people and this is a mystery to me? But then so is a person who can’t get that James and Jim can be the same person. It is sort of holy trinity thing, but I digress.

The Pope that’s what we were talking about. Yes, so the Cardinals sit down and over the course of a couple of weeks these guys, yes no women, try to elect a new Pope. I am not saying there is anything wrong with the way in which this is done. I am all for tradition, I am the king of keeping things the way they are right now. Who better to pick a new Pope than the people that are already working for the church? But I think it might be fun if you open it up a bit. You know maybe have some kind of Catholic world vote. I mean the Catholics are always complaining about not have the numbers like the Mormon’s or Islam. I think this is there chance to show the world how great it is to be Catholic. You get to pick the guy who talks to god.

Think about it, there are roughly one billion Catholics. I know that is a pretty good number for such an old school religion. There is a sucker born every second. Realistically, if the rest of these Christians would wake up they would realize that they are Catholic too. But I think that is another blog for another time?

Just think one billion votes cast and counted. You and I could finally run for Pope. Would it not be fantastic, the whole world, ok just Catholics at first, would come together to cast their vote for their leader. Granted there might be some problems like, voter fraud, how to count that many ballots in a life time and well there would be 999,999,998 candidates. I think there is at least one or maybe two people that would not want to be gods emissary on earth. I am not sure who that would be, wait Chris, I bet he would pass. I mean come on you have seen his… wait. I am going to get in more trouble than I want too?

First there would need to be some ground rules. Like who can run, age, color, gender, catholic that sort of thing. Once that is in place, three thousand years later, all you would have to do is submit your Christian name and your papal name in writing and you would be on your way. My papal name would be Pope Pious Malcolm James I.

Sure at first during the 2 year long primary period it would be kind of crazy trying to find a candidate in such a big field. But at least during that time, I wouldn’t have to hear what little boy Michael Jackson was trying to stick with his little prick?

So, maybe I don’t have all the details worked out yet. Maybe it would not be as much fun as I think it would be? And maybe just maybe, instead of a more moderate or liberal Pope we would end up with someone like Mel Gibson. Ending up with Mel, or some other hardass instead of pressing forward into the 21 century, would deal a sever blow to the Catholic faith. There would be no marriage; no women, no gays, no sex, no Vatic II and everyone would be speaking Latin. That’s not mentioning the mass exodus to the strip mall church for some good old shucking and jiving!

The Pope

My dear friend Matt has sent some comments my way via the blog and I thought it would be nice to respond.

Now those of you, who know Matt, know he is one smart cookie! He is college edjumicated and has a wit that can not be matched. I feel his opinion way on me ever day of my life and I am lucky to call him my friend. Saying all that here is what he commented:

“You know I have it all figured out ;-) You failed to consider an important aspect in your diatribe, we (the US) is not out to spread democracy (despite what our gasbag-and-chief might say publicaly) we are out to help our perceived national interest (in the current administration this of course means pleasing big business) We have and will install any form of government that we think will be most friendly to these interests. If that government is a democracy then great if not too bad. Am I jaded by a lifetime of watching our government in action, you bet!”

If you did not read the blog on which he is commenting, do so here.

Matt, I know you have it all figured out. I always trust in my heart no matter what, you have the answers. Now, whether “we” are out to spread Democracy or not is really not my point. I understand that big business “capitalism” is the push factor here for the US to continue on the set course. This is my point exactly, the system, especially when it is in hand with capitalism, does not work. Democracy is used as a code name from the US to push its interests abroad. It always has and mostly likely will continue to do so. Hey, if it aint broke, right? Matt, I think we are all just a little jaded by not just the system but by the world in general (leaving dubby out for the time being). I think it is up to us, the jaded thinkers, and the men with out women to find the answers. Are you ready?

Read Matt Here!

I have said it before and I will say it again, “The Soviet Communist are not gone, they are just taking a break!” When the wall came down and the Soviet Union with it, I thought Democracy would not take hold in these countries. I had good reason to think this. The same reason, I don’t think it will take hold in Iraq. The people living in these regions of the world have no experience with this form of government. Not to say that they don’t have a chance to be free, but maybe just maybe this is not the right path for them? Who are we to say the governmental system that works here, most of the time, can work everywhere else.

Now wait, I don’t want you to think I am some pink o’ commie bastard. Because that was a long time ago and I have seen the error of my ways. What I am saying is this, why can’t we let these people eek out some new way of doing it. Governing that is, why do we as the western world the last great super power have to go out and make these people conform? I am not saying we can not lend a hand when a hand is needed. Or give the advice we have when we are asked. I just want them to set out and do it for themselves, right? Like a small child, if you do everything for it, show it the exact way, it grows up to be an idiot?

I know it can be argued that this is in fact what we and others are doing throughout the world. Spreading the ideas of freedom and democracy and letting it take hold and spawn it’s self anew. This of course is not the case, at least from where I am sitting. Especially when the seeds of change are sown with armed conflict and occupation?

It seems to me, and the great thing about my own blog is you can’t stop me; we are turning out the same governments everywhere. The track records of which are not necessarily something to be proud of. Each government has the same basic ideas that have been passed down over the last couple of thousand years. Not to say we are not getting better at making government, because I think we are better? We just need to take what we have learned and apply it in a manner that has not been done before? Maybe, I am answering my own questions here by saying it will take more time. But for the sake of it, keep reading, please.

Every time I see or read about some organization talking to some newly formed state/country about the pluses of Democracy, I am little lost. Yes, I understand our form of Democracy has giving rise to this great country, which I am a willing and loving participant. I also know my knowledge in this matter is limited, as with everything I start to think about. But I hope, and I know, there is a country, a leader or a big thinker like me? Ok, someone with a little better grasp of the language and human interaction. Who will standup, not with a gun hopefully, and make real changes to the way in which society and government work in this the 21st century.

Whew, where was I going with this to start? Yes, Democracy does it really work for everyone? Suggestions on reading or maybe a thinker I should contact. Or better yet, tell me I am crazy and to go fuck myself. Best yet, let me know you have it figured it and you want to let me in on the ground floor of this new and exciting movement?

Ex-Soviets
Putin get in line

Looks like it might be that time again. The Pope has been hospitalized with a “breathing crisis”? Maybe I will finally get my chance. I have always wanted to be God on earth!

Pope Nytimes

Maybe it is just me and I am sure that indeed it is me. Is anyone else a little concerned by the increasing power Putin is taking away from the people. He seems to be using terrorism, just like someone else, to consolidate power at the top. Since he is the top, he is putting that power in his pocket.

I have not been following this current Russian situation as closely as I have been following the Simpson girl. So, I will keep reading and watching. I just wanted to see if anyone else is worried our friends, the Russians, are making a slow return to a dictatorship? I have always said there is nothing as nice, when it comes to governmental change, than a dictator at the helm!

Putin (I will be telling you how it is, bitch!)

Back in April of last year the IFIA had locked down my fridge. This means that some inspectors from the agency came to the house, inspected the contents and put a seal on the unit. They deemed the content hazardous with the potential to use the contents to make WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. Even if these WMD would only affect the stomachs of people the world over. They still needed to be contained. So, I thought that was it, I left the fridge and its contents locked and sealed.

A couple of weeks passed and my house was invaded by some wack jobs. They claimed I had been harboring some unsavory types. I fled with my family to a near by house were I would be safe with my new fridge and its contents. I knew I would be safe, but I was sad to have to leave the old fridge and all of its fun behind. The one thing I knew was the seal that had been applied and the new force that had taken over the house would keep it all safe?

Flash forward months later and we find out I was wrong about everything. It seems the occupying force in its wisdom. Broke the seals applied by the IFIA and inspected all the contents. Then in their rush to take on the rest of the neighborhood they left. Not only did they leave the fridge unlocked with its contents easily accessible to the world. But they left no guards in place to keep the fridge secure.

With my spies not to far from my house, I was getting constant updates on the situation. After the idiots left my house, I sent in a small force in a truck to check it out. They reported back to me that same day. The news was good. They had left the fridge and its contents for us to take. I sent a couple of trucks and my best men to liberate the fridge. They returned some hours later with everything we needed to get our operation back up and running. The fridge liberation was a success!!

Today, I was watching the news and saw the story about my fridge break wide open. It only took them over a year to figure it out. Or should I say someone other than me has always known about this little mishap. They just waited until a week before a presidential election to leak it to the press.

Funny how this happens, I guess the real question now is will my fridge make a difference?

Iraq and some HMX
We blew that shit up!